Straightey C. McWhiterson Goes to Ballroom Dance Class: a Metaphor

Teacher: No! You’re doing it wrong!

Straightey C. McWhiterson: No I’m not. I’m doing it right, see?

Teacher: No, that’s not the Quickstep. You’re doing the Electric Slide.

Straightey C. McWhiterson: Really? Are you sure? Everybody knows how to do this dance. I see it all the time. I like it. It must be the Quickstep.

Teacher: No, really, that’s the Electric Slide. The Quickstep is a partner dance. It’s very elegant. You’ll need to learn how to properly “hold” your partner, first, here, the posture is like THIS:

Straightey C. McWhiterson: Hold? What are you talking about? Put my neck like this? But that’s uncomfortable. Ow! Hey, what are you trying to say about my posture? My posture is fine, I’m fit, I do yoga.

Teacher: It’s part of the dance. And the steps go like this: slow quick-quick, slow quick-quick, glide.

Straightey C. McWhiterson: Whoa nelly! I’m not here for this highfaluting terminology. I came here to learn dancing, not this uncomfortable posture and these confusing steps! Why aren’t you teaching me dancing?

Teacher: I am teaching you dancing. Ballroom dancing. The Quickstep. That’s what you came here for, right? That’s what the sign says on the door. Ballroom dancing. Learning hold, and learning the steps, are an essential part of ballroom dancing.

Straightey C. McWhiterson: What!?! Sir, that is so unreasonable! I have no choice but to conclude that you must not love dancing, nor wish to spread your love of it through teaching dancing, very much at all!

Teacher: … I think you’d better find another teacher.

Straightey C. McWhiterson: YOU DANCE-HATING PHILISTINE!?!! WHY WON’T YOU TEACH ME??

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1 Comment

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One response to “Straightey C. McWhiterson Goes to Ballroom Dance Class: a Metaphor

  1. White dudes. Srsly.

    I can’t say much- I probably resemble someone undergoing ECT whilst attempting to dance :P

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